Improving Social Communication Skills in Kids: Navigating Honesty vs. Rudeness

Diana Cortese Author

Where is the line between being honest and direct and being just plain rude?

The ability to communicate effectively consists of expressing thoughts, feelings, and opinions while considering others. It is an essential life skill that necessitates self-awareness and social-awareness. These social emotional skills play a primary role in a child's ability to develop healthy, positive friendships, family interactions, and classroom discussions.

However, the challenge many children (and even adults) face is how to balance honesty with kindness.  How do we teach kids with social communication challenges when to say something, how to say it, and when to keep it to themselves?

Teaching Social Awareness in Social Skills Groups

One common activity used in social skills groups for kids, particularly for autistic learners, is called "Think it vs. Say it." This strategy helps children learn to differentiate between thoughts that should be spoken aloud and those that might be better kept private. After all, just because something is true doesn’t necessarily mean it needs to be said.

But here’s the bigger question: Who decides what should or shouldn’t be said?

The reality is that social skills are nuanced and context-dependent. What’s considered blunt honesty in one situation may be seen as rude in another. That’s why I like to add a third option to this activity

"Think It, Say It, or Rephrase It" Social Skills Activity

Instead of framing conversations as a binary choice—either say it or don’t—this activity encourages kids to practice rephrasing their thoughts in a way that’s more considerate and socially appropriate.

How to Play:

1. Present a Statement: Have students take turns picking a statement or scenario.
2. Decide What to Do: The student decides whether to:
   • Say it as written
   • Keep it to themselves
   • Rephrase it into something more socially considerate
3. Discuss: Encourage the group to provide feedback. Social skills groups thrive on peer interactions, and this allows students to see how their words are perceived by others.

Building Healthy Social Communication Skills in Kids

One of the biggest misconceptions about teaching social skills for kids—especially those with autism—is that they should simply learn rules about what’s “right” or “wrong” to say. But social interaction isn’t that black and white.This activity gives children the chance to practice self-expression in a safe space while receiving constructive feedback from their peers. 

By giving students opportunities to reflect, discuss, and adjust their language, we help them develop:

✔ Self-awareness: Understanding how their words impact others

✔ Social-awareness: Recognizing how communication changes based on the situation

✔ Confidence: Learning that they can express their thoughts without fear

Encouraging Flexible Thinking in Social Skills Groups

The last thing we want to do, especially for kids who already struggle with communication, is to teach them that they should always keep their thoughts inside or that there’s only one “correct” way to communicate. Instead, we should give children plenty of opportunities to practice expressing themselves, test different ways of phrasing their thoughts, and receive natural feedback from peers. This is why I love using "Think It, Say It, or Rephrase It" in my social skills groups for kids. It sparks discussions, helps kids refine their communication skills, and encourages self-reflection.

There is no universal rulebook for what’s “too honest” versus what’s “rude.” Social skills for kids, especially autistic learners, require real-world practice and flexibility. By creating safe spaces for open conversations, we help kids develop the skills they need to navigate social interactions with confidence and empathy. Try this activity with your students and see the meaningful discussions it sparks!

_______________________________________________________

RELATED ARTICLES:

Using Scripts to Teach Social Skills?

Categories: : autism, communication, self-awareness, social skills, social skills group